Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Beast With Two Backs

Okay, so I’m very into this girl and she seems quite interested in me. Hooray.

And I can sort of feel that I am on the top of a slope of sorts. In the respect that, if I don’t screw it up through some spectacular means we are more or less definitely going to hook up. (I realise the inanity of that statement, which is to say that it essentially means ‘if we don’t not get together: then we’re going to get together’).

So now I cannot help myself but feel that I should attempt to obtain style-points.

One notion which rather stuck in my head was the concept that when we go to have sex (which could be anywhere from one day to one month from now) that I should attempt to woo her with the proposition of making “the beast with two backs”.

“The beast with two backs” is a term for sex which I encountered in the Neil Gaiman novel ‘American Gods’ (thank you Magrat, it was a lovely present), and it always seemed to me as the worst possible term for intercourse. It doesn’t seem very dirty, or exciting and it certainly isn’t sweet. So I find it utterly without merit. Which means it is perfect for gaining kudos, showing moxy and obtaining style points. So there you have it, if and when the time comes I will woo my lady to bed using that phrase.

Hopefully something like this:

“So… [I run my hand up her thigh to her waist, and then go on to massage a little circle onto her ass while I say] you wanna make the beast with two backs?”.

To be honest, if this girl lives up to my secret hopes she will reply either “No… because you’re going to take me like a dog” or “Okay… but I’m going in the drivers seat”.